The Bible Beaters Podcast – In The Beginning – Episode 001

The Bible Beaters Podcast – In The Beginning – Episode 001

EP1 (Genesis 1-2) of the Bible Beaters podcast Kyle and Caleb explain (poorly) the idea behind the podcast and a little bit about themselves. Then they go back into the beginning of time starting Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. We go over the first week in existence and why the liquor stores close early on Sundays. Adam gets settled into the garden of Eden and Eve comes along causing trouble in paradise.

The Bible Beaters Podcast – The Most Humble Man That Ever Lived – Episode 047

The Bible Beaters Podcast – The Most Humble Man That Ever Lived – Episode 047

EP47 (Numbers 11 – 13) Caleb tries to clarify what he said earlier and the podcast devolves into a apologizing circle-jerk. In the bible the Israelites are getting sick of Moses’s Cushite wife so Miriam and A-A(ron) go to talk to him about. God, in his great mercy, strikes Miriam with a plague. The Jews finally make it to the promise land and send in a dozen spies to investigate. Ten men were bad and two were good. The spies say they can’t overcome the giants living there so the people rebel against Moses. God responds with typical loving kindness and sentenced them all to death.

The Bible Beaters Podcast – No One’s Watching – Episode 046

The Bible Beaters Podcast – No One’s Watching – Episode 046

EP46 (Numbers 10 – 11) The lord of hosts was a bit of a dickhead on another podcast. The lord commands the Israelis to party in remembrance of when god killed every firstborn child in Egypt. God then takes the form of cloud and misleads a million jews through the desert. God commands they make silver vuvuzelas and annoying everyone in his name. The Israelites set out from Mt. Sinai without their without the only guy who knows where they are. They become lost immediately.

The Bible Beaters Podcast – Abortion Juice – Episode 045

The Bible Beaters Podcast – Abortion Juice – Episode 045

EP45 (Numbers 8 – 9) The Beaters trudge into the social swamp of #metoo with some really progressive ideas. Next Moses receives a bunch of free stuff on behalf of god setting up the template for corrupt televangelists everywhere. Then a big list of names and stuff that is quite hard to read because god is testing us. Then god tells the Levites to shave each others assholes.

The Bible Beaters Podcast – Test for the Unfaithful Wife – Episode 044

The Bible Beaters Podcast – Test for the Unfaithful Wife – Episode 044

EP44 (Numbers 5 – 7) You heard it here first! Golf is not a sport. We discuss some of the historicity of the Jews wandering the desert. Have you ever wondered if your woman is unfaithful? Use this test:1. Create holy water, 2, write a curse and rinse the curse in the water, 3 Make her drink it. God says this will induce a miscarriage if she’s guilty. Next if you wanna be a next level follower of god (Nazarite) don’t cut your hair. If somebody dies next you, your life is ruined.

The Bible Beaters Podcast – aSALT and Lithium Battery – Episode 043

The Bible Beaters Podcast – aSALT and Lithium Battery – Episode 043

EP43 (Numbers 1 – 4) The Unfaithful begin the book of numbers and it begins with a very interesting and long winded list of names. Kyle tries his hand at reading and he’s bad at it. Apparently 1.2 million Jews wandered 260 Km for 40 years which seems plausible. Caleb advocates removing women’s suffrage before dismantling democracy completely. The bible lists the duties of the holy men amongst the tribe and its mind numbingly repetitive. Then we consider the practical implications of living in a Jewish camp in the dessert.