Bible Beaters

In The Beginning – (Genesis 1-2)

EP1 (Genesis 1-2) of the Bible Beaters podcast Kyle and Caleb explain (poorly) the idea behind the podcast and a little bit about themselves. Then they go back into the beginning of time starting Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. We go over the first week in existence and…

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Solomon’s Hoes(1 Kings 11)

EP163 (1 Kings 11) The interupter gets ripped off on Facebook marketplace. This week the bible reads more like a magazine listing all of the hookups of king Solomon. Solomon, the wisest man to have ever lived past, present, or future, takes for himself 700 royal wives. If that were not enough he picked up…

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Smoke Sheba Sheba (1 Kings 10)

EP162 (1 Kings 10) Caleb delves into his dark past as a crackhead. The bible turns into a reality show. The Queen of Sheba visits Solomon to validate the claims of his wealth and wisdom. Solomon of course lives up to the hype as the smartest man that ever lived. Next, it turns into an…

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Anti-Semantic-ism (1 Kings 9)

EP161 (1 Kings 9) Happy New Year Dipshits! The year of our lord 2020 is over and it ended with a spectacular shit show. The boys head up to the woods for a bonfire and somebody gets real stuck. In the distant, non existent past the lord answers King Solomons prayers. He says some nice…

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Cheeseburgers in the Snow (1 Kings 8)

EP160 (1 Kings 8) Merry Christmas dildos! Its a covid Christmas nightmare. The Interrupters family comes to town with hives of bees. We’re not kidding. The Lord of Hosts tries Zoom Caroling. 4000 years ago Solomon dedicated the temple to the lord, humble bragging the entire time. We discuss the preposterous number of animals sacrificed….

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Reason Must Bow (1 Kings 8)

Ep159 (1 Kings 8) King Solomon’s Dedication This week the humble lord god almighty who was, and is, and is, to come, demands King Solomon and the entire assembly of Israel that had gathered about him were before the ark, sacrificing so many sheep and cattle that they could not be recorded or counted. And…

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Dream Temple Makeover (1 Kings 7)

EP158 (1 Kings 7) The Interrupter returns from a ski trip and Covid regulations are in full effect. Solomon is decorating god’s house and he thinks god will LOVE it. The temple has an above ground pool, sticks everywhere, wreath’s n shit, and some bronze basins. He get sidetracked talking about religious hairstyles and who…

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Pillar Measuring Contest (1 Kings 7)

EP157 (1 Kings 7) Hurricane Wesley has hit Kelowna and Caleb is stressed. Kyle is jovial. Everybody, including the closet dwelling weirdo Uncle Gus, tells about the the time when they were caught polishing their idols. In bible times, king Solomon begins his next project: The Palace. Many building materials and dimensions are relayed as…

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Getting Caleb With High (1 Kings 5)

EP156 (1 Kings 5) Caleb believes he can get away with coming in to work stoned. Kyle’s gym has a weird smell. We talk about going to church high. Solomon begins what will become his lives work. He starts by talking to his buddies in Lebanon to get some cedar and pine trees. We discuss…

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Holy Reparations (1 Kings 4)

EP155 (1 Kings 4) This week Caleb’s faith wavers and Kyle admonishes him like Jesus did to Satan. In the midst of pages of hard to pronounce names we stumble into a theological debate over god’s plan and human intervention. We talk about the tax system of ancient Israel and how much king Solomon ate…

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Switcharoo (1 Kings 3)

EP154 (1 Kings 3) 2020 is taking is toll on the gang and Kyle is going bald about it. We half heartedly discuss revolution. In the bible Solomon has consolidated his position as king by eliminating his rivals and settling old scores. Solomon has a dream in which god visits him and says “I’ll give…

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