EP1 (Genesis 1-2) of the Bible Beaters podcast Kyle and Caleb explain (poorly) the idea behind the podcast and a little bit about themselves. Then they go back into the beginning of time starting Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. We go over the first week in existence and why the liquor stores close early on Sundays. Adam gets settled into the garden of Eden and Eve comes along causing trouble in paradise.
Episode 023 (Exodus 9-11) The magicians duel is heating up. Pharaoh’s magicians bow out at producing gnats so Moses goes 6 steps further and with god’s help plagues the Egyptians with dead livestock, festering boils, giant balls of hail, swarms of locusts, darkness one can feel, and death of every first born human and animal. Then god commands the Israelites to celebrate culling the firstborn of everything every year with a special festival called Passover. Everyone knows hows festivals can get a little crazy and Passover is no different. First you slaughter a healthy 1 year old male lamb and smear its blood on 3 sides of your doorframe. Next eat the whole lamb. If somebody is visiting from out of town they have to be circumcised if they wanna partake and avoid the angel of death. I heard the chainsmokers are headlining this year.
Episode 022 (Exodus 7-8) Kyle tells an embarrassing story about not picking up a stripper. In the bible god begins to demonstrate his awesome power. For his first trick Aaron throws down his staff and it becomes a snake. Pharaoh’s magicians copy the trick and so begins the magicians duel. Kyle literally can’t stop making dick jokes to the dismay of Caleb and everyone listening. Then god plagues Egypt with blood, frogs, flies, and gnats. Each time pharaoh wants to let the israelites go but god makes sure he can’t change his mind just so he can smite Egypt with all the plagues and tell people about it. Remember that god loves you.
Big Gay Retard – Episode 021 (Exodus 5-6) Caleb tries to tell us about his rugby game. Kyle interrupts to say nothing. In the bible Moses and A-A-ron reluctantly agree to be the voice of god and tell Pharaoh to let god’s people go because they wanna go to burning man. Instead of simply changing Pharaoh’s mind to be nice to the Jews, god hardens Pharaoh’s heart… and our dicks. Pharaoh says no way Mosé and for even asking for days off your work is now doubled. Everyone is pissed at Moses so he complains back to god. God says “watch this shit. I’ve been waiting to have a reason so smite these mofo’s with plagues.”