Getting Caleb With High (1 Kings 5)

Getting Caleb With High (1 Kings 5)

EP156 (1 Kings 5) Caleb believes he can get away with coming in to work stoned. Kyle’s gym has a weird smell. We talk about going to church high. Solomon begins what will become his lives work. He starts by talking to his buddies in Lebanon to get some cedar and pine trees. We discuss ancient building techniques and timelines. The bible describes the inner sanctuary in great detail which bores the shit out of Kyle but is necessary for a persons salvation. A listener asks about psychedelics in the bible.

Holy Reparations (1 Kings 4)

Holy Reparations (1 Kings 4)

EP155 (1 Kings 4-5) This week Caleb’s faith wavers and Kyle admonishes him like Jesus did to Satan. In the midst of pages of hard to pronounce names we stumble into a theological debate over god’s plan and human intervention. We talk about the tax system of ancient Israel and how much king Solomon ate in a day. Next, Solomon brags about being smarter than Egypt and Heman, Calcol, and Darda. Are you impressed? A listener asks us who has the biggest dick in the bible.

Switcharoo (1 Kings 3)

Switcharoo (1 Kings 3)

EP154 (1 Kings 3) 2020 is taking is toll on the gang and Kyle is going bald about it. We half heartedly discuss revolution. In the bible Solomon has consolidated his position as king by eliminating his rivals and settling old scores. Solomon has a dream in which god visits him and says “I’ll give you anything you want.” Instead of asking for wealth or long life Solomon asks for wisdom. The lord is so impressed by this answer that he grants all of the above. As if to demonstrate his new superpowers, god sends two prostitutes with one baby between em to test Solomon’s problem solving ability. Send us emails at biblebeaters@canadacomedy.ca

Lower Brain

Lower Brain

EP153 This week we discuss the erection results and after Kyle wipes away his crocodile tears we get back into the story of Israelite succession. Solomon is king and the first thing he does is kill his dad’s enemies. His half brother Adonijah, who had just tried to steal the kingship, asks his bro for a favor. He wants to marry Abishag, but king Solomon sees the ruse for what it is and has him killed immediately. Solomon takes the opportunity to defrock Abiathar from the priesthood and has Joab murdered at the altar. Finally, king Solomon takes care of a debt owed to his father by having Shimei killed for breaking his house arrest. Please send us emails.

We’re All Fucked

We’re All Fucked

EP152
Happy last Halloween ever (maybe). In this podcast we talk about the lockdown, and the response to it. We discuss the nature of governance and when/how to to resist government overreach. We speculate on the immediate future and the prospect of civil unrest or living under totalitarian regimes. The bible is alluded to but not read. Sadness > anger.

More Prayer’s Per Dollar! (1 Kings 2 1-13)

More Prayer’s Per Dollar! (1 Kings 2 1-13)

EP151 – (1 Kings 2 1-13)
In is episode of the podcast we get to the bottom of how big of a piece of shit king David really is. But first, we respectfully discuss UFC, and Kyle’s piece of shit studio. David learns of Adonijah’s plot to take the throne and thwarts it. He goes on to blame his best guy and right hand man Joab for all the evil David committed, as well as taking the time to settle old scores. Solomon is the new guy.