Ep120 (1 Samuel 15) We get right into if Jesus really existed or not and martyrdom of the apostles. Lawfully is the hardest word to say in the English language. We might have corona. Kyle wonders why do not know more about who wrote the bible. Saul problems go from bad to worse. god commands him to kill all the Amelekite Men, Women, Children, INFANTS, and animals. Saul obediently genocides a whole people group but decides to let the animals live. This makes god sad. A listener questions why A- Aron gets away with making the golden calf.
EP119 (1 Samuel 13-14) Kyle gets roofied for his birthday and the bois romanticize alcoholism. Caleb addresses the corona virus end of the world biblical prophecy. Wesley calls in from corona central. In the bible times Saul gets the dumb idea that his army shouldn’t eat until they have destroyed their enemies. Prince Johnathan DGAF and eats honey from the honey geyser. A listener asks us about the morality of masturbation.
Ep117 (1 Samuel 11-12) Question marks are optional. Kyle returns from his vacation from Mexico with scars and stories. In the bible god has chosen Saul to be king of the Israelites and now he is punishing them for it. The Ammonite King demands the right eye of every Jewish citizen. This aggression cannot stand, man, and Saul goes to war. Samuel makes a grandiose farewell speech and sticks around for a few more years. A listener suggests that dodge ball was derived from stoning.
EP116 1 (Samuel 9 – 10) Caleb turns 33 and must go to parties and play party games but he doesn’t like party games. Israel decides they want a king against gods will so god rigs a beauty contest to pick his favorite. His favorite is nowhere to be found because he his hiding in the luggage. We learn the real reason Israel became a nation.
EP115 1 (Samuel 7-8) Kyle is excited about his upcoming trip to Mexico. Caleb once lived in a Mexican orphanage. Bible follows its typical pattern of having the story repeat itself. Samuel get old and his sons are corrupt priests. god and Samuel bitch about the ungrateful Israelites together but god eventually relents and allows Israel to choose a king. god warns the Israelites that it’s gonna suck but they DGAF.
EP114 (1 Samuel 5-6) The fella’s solve the climate crises. The Philistines capture the box that god lives and they set it in the same room as their own god and the gods have a god battle to death. yahweh wins the god battle and smites the Philistines with tumors and rats. The Philistines kick the ark around the country infecting many people before sending back to Israel. god get’s back to Israel and kills the first 70 people he meets.
Ep113 (Samuel 3-4) In this episode we talk about the Superbowl and staying in hostels. In the bible Eli gets the bad news the ark is stolen and it kills him. Did the ark ever exists at all? Who knows? Bad things start to happen to philistines when they take possession of the ark like tumors, rats, and disease. Magicians are idiots and communion is ridiculous. Nobody emailed us this week and it made me sad.
EP112 (Samuel 3-4) The beaters complain about their jobs, bosses, and hype Chad. Caleb warriors through a swollen tongue. In the bible we talking about Samuel’s calling. We discuss which evangelists have the best stats, the road to redemption, faith healers, and modern versus ancient prophecy. Then Israel goes to war with the Philistines and is defeated. God called it.
EP111 (1 Samuel 2) We get right into the story of Samuel who is sold into the service of corrupt priests. First, Hannah sings a dumb song and we never hear from her again. Eli is the high priest, but he is old and his sons are taking liberties with the priesthood. They are sexing all the temple servants and stealing meat that god wanted for himself. Obviously, the lord in his abounding grace and compassion, cannot let this slide. god gives Samuel a message for Eli the high priest that the lord is reneging his previous promise about the Levite’s serving the lord forever and he is going to kill them all like the forgiving god we know him to be. A listener reports in from the burning land of straya.