EP59 (Deuteronomy 2) Caleb and Kyle definitively solve climate change and all governmental problems. Moses continues his recap of the the Jews exodus from Egypt. We get into the nuance and finer points of god’s blessings.
EP60 (Deuteronomy 2.5-4) The unfaithful compare their terrible haircuts. Kyle fat shames Caleb. God promises to help destroy Israel’s neighbors. So the Jews engage in treachery to trick their enemies but it doesn’t work so they, with the help of the merciful and just creator, kill every man, woman and child justly. So manifest destiny 1.0 rampages through the middle east massacring everyone en route.
EP58 (Deuteronomy 1) KYLE READS THIS WEEK! The Bible Beaters start the fifth book of the bible attributed to the legend Moses. Caleb has no voice because of excessive screaming at a show. We learn a little background about Deuteronomy and then Moses provides a confusing summary. Kyle makes many outrageous claims and defends them tenaciously. Caleb gets torched by a listeners email.
EP74 (Deuteronomy 28) In this episode we learn what it means to be the subject of god’s jealousy. If you do not follow the lord you can expect somebody to steal yo gurl, people to borrow your donkey and not return it, your food won’t grow, you will eat your children, and nice sensitive women won’t share their placenta because they are so hungry. That escalated quickly. We solve the problem of what happens after you die.
EP75 (Deuteronomy 29) Our hosts extol the virtues of rugby culture. A heated debate ensues over the ethnicity of Jews versus the religious jew. We finally agree that it comes down to headware. Biblically, covenants are like insurance, you have to renew them every year. So Moses demands they Jews renew their covenant except this one comes with the caveat that the Jews will inevitably break it thus bringing horribly calamities on themselves in the name of the lord. Many badass threats follow and it ends with a choice. The Jews choose death.
EP76 (Deuteronomy 30-34) Punctuation doesn’t belong in titles as far as Kyle is concerned. In this podcast we finally finish the book of Deuteronomy BUT FIRST we venture into and become entangled in the theological thicket surrounding the afterlife and the end of time. Moses ends his epic speech and confers his talking to god powers on Joshua. Moses then teaches Israel a song that they will have to learn so that god can condemn them to destruction when they inevitably start worshiping other gods. Then Moses has to drag his 120 yr old saggy ass up a mountain where god can show him the promise land he isn’t allowed to enter because he was a little sassy when he slapped a rock back in Meribah. Then god kills Moses. Scene.
EP61 (Deuteronomy 4) The unfaithful talk about their Superbowl wicked Superbowl party. Caleb divulges his darkest secret. God betrays his inherent insecurity by yet again banning idol worship and promising to punish for generations transgressors while simultaneously showing mercy (as if this were possible). Moses blames the Jews for all of his problems some more. The merits of bullying are discussed. Please send us emails.
EP62 (Deuteronomy 5) The unfaithful take their girlfriends out for valentines day. Out of a fiery cloud god tells the Israelites 10 things that they should remember. The first four are propaganda, four make sense, and two are completely impossible to follow. Kyle finds some interesting loops holes that god clearly put there on purpose. A listener asks for god’s input on cross dressing.
Ep63 (Deuteronomy 6-7) The lord of hosts explains why his broadcasting school went bankrupt. God gives the Israelites a bunch of reasons why he is better than the other gods. Then he tells the Israelites to invade and plunder the people in the promise land. God issues number of threats including the hornet that Kyle finds hilarious. Caleb tries to explain the concept of spiritual warfare and nearly goes insane justifying its veracity. A listener asks how to get over the irrational fear of hell.
EP64 (Deuteronomy 8) The unfaithful discuss the state of comedy in Canada prompting Kyle to uncanadianly declare that he will never apologize for ANY of jokes he tells. Moses starts his fox news propaganda spin on the exodus debacle. He claims that it’s really the Jew’s fault god did all those horrible things. At least god did give the Jews the most durable sandals in history. Then Moses describes how god gave him the 10 commandments and how they became smashed to smithereens. Kyle correctly points out that the thing only god ever wrote were the 10 commandments and the rest of the bible is superfluous. Moses planks for 40 days. NO FOOD. NO WATER. FACE DOWN.