Leviticus

Below Market Value Jesus – (Leviticus 25 – 27 )

EP42 (Leviticus 25 – 27 ) Finally we finish Leviticus! First, Caleb bitches about how poor he is and Kyle is covered in poison ivy. God tell us to give the land a sabbath and introduces the concept of jubilee. Kyle thinks this is evidence that some smart guy wrote this. Blasphemy! Jubilee gives the…

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Death Punishable by Death – (Leviticus 23 -24)

EP41 (Leviticus 23 -24) Kyle goes to the greatest concert of the 1990’s. In the bible we learn about god’s festivals that he wants us to celebrate (shambala doesn’t count. It’s not even the real bala!) The festivals have some weird rules for example waving a lamb at god before killing and burning it. It’s…

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Praying for Faith – (Leviticus 22)

EP40 (Leviticus 22) If you want to jump into the middle of the podcast this episode is for you. Kyle MC’s his friends wedding and nearly ruins the big day. Caleb reports on his “fishing” trip to Kitimat with his weird dad. Caleb then masterfully summarizes the bible up to this point. Then god tells…

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Punishment for Sin – (Leviticus 17 – 19)

EP39 (Leviticus 17 – 19) The Beaters got hate mail! Sorta. Biblically, nepotism begins to show itself when Moses tells the Israelites that sacrifices can only be made to the Levites. Kyle gets hung up on the biblical rituals because they don’t provide any powers. Then, the bible bans all kind of sex stuff rendering…

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Unlawful Sexual Relations – (Leviticus 20 – 21)

EP38 (Leviticus 20 – 21) God tells us what to do to people who break his decrees. Usually, its some horrible method of death such as stoning or burning. Kyle and Caleb get pretty side tracked talking about 3rd world executions and many ignorant claims are made. The podcast gets progressively grosser as the bible…

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Discharge on an Escape Goat – (Leviticus 15 – 16)

Ep37 (Leviticus 15 – 16) The Bible Beaters get philosophical about gods ethics vs the Apostle Paul’s ethics after Caleb gets trolled on Facebook. Does morality evolve? the Bible says yes despite the fact god is timeless. Next we learn about how to make things unclean: 1. have a discharge 2. touch anything. Menstruation is…

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If You’re Not Sure Wing It (Sayeth the Lord) – (Leviticus 12 – 14)

EP36 (Leviticus 12 – 14) Caleb recounts his disastrous trip to Vancouver. Then we jump into the medical section on the the bible with both unclean feet. Periods are gross and women who have them shouldn’t touch anything. Skin diseases are unclean. So are discharges. If you have them you get kicked out of the…

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Unauthorized Fire is Punishable by Fire – (Leviticus 8 – 11)

EP35 (Leviticus 8 – 11) A-A-Ron and his sons get their special outfits and oil dumped on their heads and become “holy.” This holiness prevents god from killing them as long as they follow the rules. Of course the first thing god wants the priests to do after their ordination is kill something. They oblige….

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The Irony of a Holy Dildo – (Leviticus 4 – 7)

EP34 (Leviticus 4 – 7) Caleb tells us about his weekend in PG which naturally devolves into a heated argument about animal abuse. Biblically, we get into the concepts of thought crime and how one can be guilty for the sins of others, more regulations about what animals to burn, abstract ideas about what it…

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Not Enough Goats to Burn – (Leviticus 1 – 4)

Ep33 (Leviticus 1 – 4) Kyle gives us a summary of the bible up to this point which highlights how little he pays attention. Then we dive into the book of Leviticus. Which is primarily about what animals god wants you to kill and how to kill them. Not humanely is the answer. We learn…

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