Numbers

Shenanigans – (Numbers 33 – 36)

Ep57 (Numbers 33 – 36) The Bible Beaters come back from their brief hiatus with sad news. The bible then lists all the stops on Israel make believe journey through the desert. The jews then begin to the divide the spoils of the war the haven’t fought yet but are confident they will win. Caleb…

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The Lords Anger is Arousing – (Numbers 32 – 33)

EP56 (Numbers 32 – 33) The Lord of Hosts recounts his hellish Christmas party gigs. Then they talk about how to become a man in a hot tub. In the Bible the Jews cross the Jordan river and conquer more territories. Of course god gets angry about something and it makes him aroused.

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Feminist Bible and the 6400 Virgins – (Numbers 29 – 31)

Ep55 (Numbers 29 – 31) Caleb describes his trip to the hipster cyclist cafe. It was a catastrophe. In the bible the slow to anger god demands the Israelites destroy the Midianites for letting their women have sex with the Jewish men.  On god’s instruction they burn down the Midianite cities and take all the virgin…

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God’s Menu – (Numbers 27 – 28)

EP54 (Numbers 27 – 28) Guess what? More offerings. Caleb tells some rugby stories. The bible has some progressive ideas about what women are allowed to make vows about. The unfaithful discuss the ethics of mega churches and televangelists.

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Harder, Harder, Too Hard! – (Numbers 25 – 26)

EP53 (Numbers 25 – 26) Kyle gets misogynistic about women and he hates dogs. Caleb gets misogynistic about women drivers. We dive right into an orgy with the Moabites. God, who is slow to anger and abounding in forgiveness of rebellion, is, of course, SUPER jealous and commands Moses to kill the leadership. Then while they…

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Blame Balaam – (Numbers 23 – 24)

EP52 (Numbers 23 – 24) The unfaithful muse about child rearing. Biblically, we return to the story of Balaam who gets eternally blamed for doing exactly what god says. The king offers Balaam money to curse the Jews but Balaam is a gangster and blesses them instead. After the meaningless blessings, Israel has an orgy in…

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Holy Shit a Talking Donkey – (Numbers 21 – 22)

EP51 (Numbers 21 – 22) The Israelites are on the warpath. After a they make bargain with god to “utterly destroy” these people they immediately forget and complain about food. Abounding in loving forgiveness, god sends venomous snakes to remind those dildo’s who is in charge. Luckily they create an idol to look at so they…

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The Death of A A Ron – (Numbers 19 – 20)

EP50 (Numbers 19 – 20) Caleb’s piece of shit car gets broken into. Kyle cross dresses as his dad for Halloween. We learn about the magic holy water that is used for making unclean things clean. The theoretical implications of the economics for living in a clean society put severe strain on the believability of this…

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God Giveth but Mostly Taketh – (Numbers 17 – 18)

EP49 (Numbers 17 – 18) The lord of hosts recounts his trip to Nekrogoblikon. No its not comic con for goblins. With ashes of 250 people smouldering and 14,700 bodies rotting with the plague gods next trick is to make A A rons staff grow almonds to remind them who is really in charge. More duties…

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Incense to the Alter STAT – (Numbers 14 – 16)

Ep48 (Numbers 14 – 16) Caleb has to open for Creed. The guy not the band. Kyle admits defeat in an argument about the origin of religion. The Israelites ignore the lord warnings and attack the Canaanites. They lose horribly. At this dramatic junction god takes a time our to remind us what kind of offerings…

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