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Bonus EP2
Bible Beaters
Alchemists Agree (Judges 3-4)
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EP93 (Judges 3-4) Kyle’s buddy demonstrates how not to do a best man speech. The bible beaters discuss the merits of young children being needed in heaven. Next we learn of 3 total bad-ass judges Othniel, Ehud, Shamgar. Othniel was a great general, Ehud stabbed a really fat guy, and Shamgar killed 600 people with an ox goad. Finally, we learn of the first feminist in the bible. Deborah does the job no man wanted to do. We get more emails about the origin of the universe.
Who Got Trolled Harder (Judges 1-2)
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EP92
(Judges 1-2) Caleb is worried about government intervention in his relationship and has a negative interaction with hecklers at a show. Kyle remembers when he was good at hockey. God tries to help the Jews except their enemies have iron chariots which are too powerful. An angel shows up and tells all the Israelites that its just a matter of time before they get on gods bad side.
A listener sends us a fantastic email, causing our hosts to question their perceptions of reality. This email suggests that all of the different races humanity came from four couples.
The Death of Joshua (Joshua 24-Judges 1)
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EP91 (Joshua 24-Judges 1) Caleb provides a list of things about the bible that are demonstrability false. Once again god re ups on his previous covenant with more of the same. It follows the traditional format of bragging, warnings, blessings, curses and prophecy that things will eventually go to hell. Kyle is at his most annoying in the history of the podcast derailing several interesting conversations. The Isrealites finish the conquest of the promised land in spectacular fashion cutting off the fingers and toes of SEVENTY kings and feed them scraps as the lord commanded in his infinite wisdom and mercy.
Don’t Meet Your Heroes They’ll Call You Gay (Joshua 23-24)
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EP90 (Joshua 23-24) Caleb and Kyle discuss email scams. Caleb has to go on a 9 hour drive while sick. We meander into the topics of consciousness and personal responsibility about we are too stupid to contribute meaningfully in any way. Joshua is getting old so he makes a big speech about how great god is and reminds them that they are going to sin and god will punish them for. Back in modernity, we discuss how long it will be before the climate apocalypse. A listener sends a very long list of questions and tries to suggest that all of the different races humanity came from 4 couples.
Misunderstandings (Joshua 20-22)
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EP89 (Joshua 20-22) Kyle has to fix his ex’s moms computer. Caleb recap’s his trip to Sweden (he even gets backstage with his favorite band). Kyle wets the couch. Caleb re reads and corrects last weeks podcast. Erstwhile, the Israelites continue their conquest into the promise land. To nobody’s surprise some of the tribes start worshiping false idols. Through some good ol’ fashioned nepotism they are able to circumvent the wrath of the merciful creator.
Stacy’s One True Son (Joshua 19-20)
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EP88 (Joshua 19-20) A special edition bible beater podcast hosted by Simeon Campbell, the youngest and funniest of the Campbell clan. In this episode they discuss growing up in church, YWAM, crossing the line, preaching in church, dreams, puking in church, amongst all the other bullshit. Kyle is put off in a game of racist chicken. Simeon reads the passage about cities of refuge and towns for the levites. A listener asks about the population of Israel and divine intervention.
Beyond Pussy (Joshua 19)
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EP87 (Joshua 19) We discuss the ethics of what could be done to meat grown in petri dishes. We talk about if hell is a fair punishment and what heaven would be like. We read a long list of names and places that nobody gives a fuck about. We get an email asking for a dream interpretation which makes Caleb regret starting the podcast and the dream segment.
Destiny’s Not a Stripper (Joshua 16-18)
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EP86 (Joshua 16-18) Kyle is so obsessed with garage sailing that Caleb nearly takes one of the many toasters Kyle won’t shut up about for a baptism. Caleb has an epic story about being marooned in a small town without pants. The jews commit and record number of genocides and war crimes.
We have more lists of places and people that seem boring and long winded, however these are crucial to your salvation, so do not skip this episode. A listener emails in with some good points about the practical reality of the sun stopping.
10 9 8 7 666 Hail Satan (Joshua 14-15)
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EP85 (Joshua 14-15) Caleb comes back from Armstrong Metal Fest and regales us with tales of alcoholism and overdoses. We learn how Caleb got his name. The bible character Caleb goes and kills giants as 85 year old badass. Then there is more names and places. A historian shits on Kyle’s reading skills and calls Caleb a neckbeard while wondering what should be done with the holy city of Jerusalem.