EP16 (Genesis 42-44) So Joseph’s brothers have to make the trek to Egypt to get food because god decided the world should go on diet. Luckily, Joseph had a metric fuck ton of food saved up. The brothers aren’t about to be let off so easily, Joseph accuses them of being spies and locks up Simeon…

EP15 (Genesis 38 – 41) In this episode we find out that god does in fact cry over spilled semen, or rather will put you to death for it. One can be redeemed by becoming a prostitute though so don’t despair. Next back to the dreamer and his fancy cloak. Joseph get’s #metoo’d but saves…

EP14 (Genesis 35-37) Kyle gives a hilariously bad summary of Bible up to this point. We then become Alt right anti-Semites for a bit before abandoning those dumb ideas to be scientific biblical literalists. Caleb becomes incredibly frustrated trying to read 3 pages of names and this is very funny to Kyle. Then Joseph the…

EP13 (Genesis 32-34) The hairy baby has grown into a hairy man and Jacob fears his twin Esau’s vengeance. He is so scared he wrestles with god all night and demands yet another blessing like the Jew he is. In the process he founds the nation of Israel out of stolen blessings. He sends his…

EP12 (Genesis 30-31) In this episode of the bible beaters Jacob (the deceiver) uses the classic scam of peeling almond branches and putting them in the watering troughs of spotted or speckled goats in order to rip off his father in law of his fattest animals. After this somehow works, Jacob decides hes had enough of…

EP011 (Genesis 29-30) So Jacob stole his hairyness’ inHAIRitence. Well more specifically his birthright and blessing (which there is a finite amount of for some reason.) Esau the orangutan is pissed and vows to kill his bro. Jacob flees like the mama’s boy he is and whilst running away gets tired and has a nap…

EP10 (Genesis 26-28) our hosts start to suffer some real world consequences for merely reading god’s holy word. In the story, yet another famine strikes and god tells Isaac not to flee to Egypt but to stay among the philistines. Isaac uses his dad’s classic trick and pretends his wife is his sister to the…

EP9 (Genesis 24-25) Isaac is all grown up and the most eligible bachelor around. In keeping with his incestuous heritage Abraham sends his servant back to the homeland to find a wife for him from amongst his relatives. The diligent servant fulfills his quest and gets a hot babe named Rebekah for his new master…

EP8 (Genesis 20-23) After the destruction of the Sodomites Lot’s wife is turned into a pillar of seasoning. Since there are no men around Lot’s daughters come to the rational conclusion that they are forced to Bill Cosby their father to ensure the family line. Meanwhile, Abraham gets up to his old antics of pretending…

EP7 (Genesis 15-19) The first thing god decides his favorite person has to do is circumcise himself and everyone he owns then change his name to Abraham. That is why this episode is called episode 7. The complaining about all the buttsex in Sodom gets so loud that god finally sends some angles… The townspeople…