The Bible Beaters

The Bible Beater Podcast is exactly what you think it is. We read the bible as is it written word for ridiculous word. Hosted by preacher’s kid Caleb Campbell and Hutterite colony survivor Kyle Vestner, The Bible Beaters irreverently read, examine, and analyze a new chapter every week and answer your bible questions. We scrutinize all kinds of biblical and theological topics such as:
why would god make Abraham cut off the tip of his dick if he made man in his own image?
Did king David really exist?
Is god a liar? Why is he such an asshole?
Is it reasonable to make laws based on a 3000 yr piece of propaganda?
How many animals equal a human sacrifice?
Why is antisemitism so prevalent around the world?
Why do the Jews have all the money? Did they steal it?
New episodes released every Sunday so you can skip Church listen to Bible Beaters! Caleb believes you should start at the beginning but Kyle think our most recent shit is funnier either way your salvation depends on it.

Hosted ByCaleb Campbell & Kyle Vestner

All Episodes

The Bible Beaters – Handjob of Death – (Genesis 47-50)

EP18 (Genesis 47-50) God springs his terrible plan into action. Joseph gets the last laugh because the famine is so severe...

It’s Gods Plan and It’s Not Good – (Genesis 45 – 46)

EP17 (Genesis 45 – 46) Kyle the interrupter ruins the podcast before it can even begin to get any momentum...

Starvation and Revenge – (Genesis 42-44)

EP16 (Genesis 42-44) So Joseph’s brothers have to make the trek to Egypt to get food because god decided the...

DreamWeaver – (Genesis 38 – 41)

EP15 (Genesis 38 – 41) In this episode we find out that god does in fact cry over spilled...

A List of Useless Names – (Genesis 35-37)

EP14 (Genesis 35-37) Kyle gives a hilariously bad summary of Bible up to this point. We then become Alt...

Birth of a Nation – (Genesis 32-34)

EP13 (Genesis 32-34) The hairy baby has grown into a hairy man and Jacob fears his twin Esau’s vengeance....

Hitler’s Angel – (Genesis 30-31)

EP12 (Genesis 30-31) In this episode of the bible beaters Jacob (the deceiver) uses the classic scam of peeling almond...

Two Chicks at the Same Time – (Genesis 29-30)

EP011 (Genesis 29-30) So Jacob stole his hairyness’ inHAIRitence. Well more specifically his birthright and blessing (which there is...

Deception is the Key – (Genesis 26-28)

EP10 (Genesis 26-28) our hosts start to suffer some real world consequences for merely reading god’s holy word. In...